I have never been one to have a sense of focus.  I have never held a job for longer than 5 years.  I collect many things, and have had many hobbies over the years.  I have to say that this academic thing, it kind of gives me a sense of purpose.  I've never really considered a job that I might actually want to stick to for a while.  I'm not 100% sure that this is the thing, but it's the job that feels most like that thing so far.  Does that make sense?  I have one more paper to hand in, the big one, and three exams, and then I'm done my Bachelor's degree.  I cannot wait for the graduate work.  Everyone keeps telling me it's a lesson in humility, that I will constantly be shown how much I don't know.  Like that's a bad thing.  Being shown how much you don't know just reinforces how much there is to learn.  Not a bad thing at all.  I have to admit to a mind-numbing, soul-crushing fear when I look at the debt I'm accruing, but it's a means to an end, and nothing that I can't deal with.  Tara and I have been going through a financial rough patch recently, the line of credit on it's last legs and the OSAP money spent.  I still really have no idea what I'm going to do over the summer.  I should be really worried.  But I'm not.  We are very good at dealing with stuff like this.  We've had lots of practice.  She believes I'm doing something worthwhile, something that will pay off.  So do I.

Weird.

I'd love if no one commenting could shoot me down or tell me that grad school is demoralizing and super-difficult.  If it wasn't, it wouldn't be worth doing.  If all it was was self-congratulation and mutual back-patting, why the hell would we want to do it?  If you don't have to struggle, you can't achieve anything remarkable.  That is one of the things studying English literature has taught me.  I look forward to the challenge.  Stuff like this keeps life interesting.  What's novel is that I can envision it keeping life interesting for a long time to come.